hey, shut the fuck up boy.

Spring is finally here!

I went job hunting today. Fucking pointless. I still need a job, I NEED MONEY! I've been broke since November, I'm sick of it now. All I'm asking for is a monthly (fat) income. I should marry a rich dude.

I've almost quit smoking, ALMOST. I mean, technically I still smoke, but a lot less. I'm down to about two cigarettes a day instead of like a billion. Not really a billion, but yeah, you get the idea.

PAUSED

DISTRACTION-UUUUH.

FOUR PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER
ONE. various coffee shops
TWO. bathrooms
THREE. various shops
FOUR. "my" bedroom

FOUR PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGUARLY
ONE. my boy
TWO. christie
THREE. tony
FOUR. zachary

FOUR MOVIES I WATCH OVER AND OVER
ONE. almost famous
TWO. milk
THREE. into the wild
FOUR. la dolce vita

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE
ONE. at home with my boy
TWO. los angeles
THREE. los angeles
FOUR. los angeles

FOUR FAVOURITE THINGS
ONE. my pillow
TWO. my laptop
THREE. my iTouch
FOUR. a ring with a heart my mom gave to me

AND THE NAKED BONE OF AN ECHO SAYS DON’T WALK AWAY

There's still snow on the streets. It's fucking April, where's spring? C'mon Sweden. Been here for a couple of days now, and I'm already ready to leave. I wish I was rich and could do whatever. Unfortunately, I'm not, which makes me stuck here for a while. I need a job. NOW. I don't even know where to begin. And I don't know where to find the strength. These past couple of months have been a fucking rollercoaster, and I'm lost.

Note to self: Figure shit out. This week. & move on.



crossroads. which way is right?
darlin', walk a while with me. strange. what love does.

fashionably late

this will make my boy really happy.

confessions.

i am stubborn and always late.

new cassette

the start of a new era in my life?

hand over your heart, let's go home.

I'm back in LA. It's sweet.
I am so in love with this city.

make it, break it, or end it?

fool me twice, shame on me.

Last night we went out, got really drunk & complained about everything about this city, and this whole country. We ended up going to two clubs, and newsflash, they both sucked. And the music was fuckin' awful. They played like old eurovision-contest-crap- tunes and bad R'n'B shit. By the time the clock was around 1 am we had had enough and catched a cab back home. I don't think I actually realized how drunk I was until I came home, and fell all over a table and layed there laughing by myself, and then trying to check my facebook and emails plus IM with some friends, the computer screen was like a floating blur. Then I decided it was nappy time.

Woke up at 8 am this morning, still slightly drunk and then the hungover hit me like a punch in the face to the point where I told myself to never have alcohol again, like usually, but that never happens. I've wasted this saturday by watching The Hills and The City all day long, for hours and hours, it's really entertaining when you don't have any energy to do anything else. And you gotta love the-ridiculous-still-in-high-school-drama that is basically going on non-stop.

just a kid

karolin is back in sweden from barcelona, thank god, now i have someone to hang out with in this shithole city. we went downtown yesterday, and after one hour (ONE!!!) we were already bored and didn't have anything else to look at or do. how amazing isn't this lovely city? it's CRAP. after walking around for a bit longer i catched the bus and picked up my little brother at his kindergarden, and then we walked home and i made a typical swedish dish for us, macaronies, meetballs and ketchup. my little brother ate twelve (!!!) meetballs and he's four years old, and one hour after that he had two sandwiches and three glasses of milk, can't believe that kid.

you're not an adult yet mele,
you're just a kid like me, you still play! - my little brother


today i've unpacked my two suitcases that i basically live in, and washed all of my clothes, which was a good achievement for being me, i think i've done my laundry by myself like 5 times throughout my whole life. plus i hanged it all up myself too, gosh i'm good. and tomorrow when it's dry i'm gonna pack it all down again in my suitcases and get ready for my next journey, which will be going back to LA, the city i'm in love with.

I've been living in a suitcase for almost a year.
Still, I don't feel like unpacking yet.

Liqiud, beautiful nights, melancholy dreams.

I am going back to LA on the 12th.
It makes me happy.

I see you and I dilate. High off of whiskey and pills casual conversations brew in a crowded kitchen. I get unsolicited advice from every guest- leave him. but days later i will sleep soundlessly in bed next to him, half dressed and still drunk. i wake up, stare at his bare back and still tell myself things will change.

don't use words like love, words like that don't matter.

i just sat there on the concrete, with a gin and tonic in my hands, slightly drunk.

I'm watching Big Brother from 2003 on TV right now. It's fuckin' hilarious. And what the fuck are they wearing? If that fashion would ever come back, I'd rather walk around naked. It should be illegal having a show like that, I mean they basically put a group of people in a house, lock them in, get them shitfaced just to see what happens. On the other hand, it's entertaining. What I wonder the most though is: Why are they showing this shit on TV now, six years later? AND WHY AM I EVEN WATCHING?

Today I went outside my door for the first time in almost 3 weeks. I'm pretty proud of myself. And no, I'm not some phsycho who never goes anywhere, I'm just not myself right now, but hey, that was a step forward. I went downtown and took care of two things I had to take care of, that I should have done like two months ago already, but whatever, now it's done.

I am going to LA soon. I need to go back and figure out my life and do myself a huge favour for once.

it just crossed my mind that my little sister is turning 19 on monday.
like what the fuck, when did you grow up so quickly?

all this love crap.

Everything have been going so good lately. NOT. These past couple days, these past 11 days have been like hell. My mind is so fucked at the moment that I couldn't even get the most simple bus schedule to make any sense, so I ended up being stuck at home tonight, instead of actually going outside the door to see my friends for the first time in two weeks. I feel like my cat, the only things I do is being at home, eat and sleep. I wish there was a cure for heartaches. If you have one, please let me know about it.

I've been surprisingly creative today. I found some old silk dresses and curtains, and I made two skirts, two tops and a dress out of it. Now you're probably wondering why the fuck I did that out of nowhere. I was looking through some old picture albums and I remembered that I always used to design and make my own clothes when I was younger, and I remember that made me happy, so I basically did it wishing I would get all happy again from it. It didn't really have the effect on me that I was looking for, but it kept me busy for a few hours.

My plans for tomorrow: Wake up.
My life if so fuckin' exciting at the moment.

i feel like a fool.

valentine's day. the birds are not flying anymore, they're gone.

Ho appena mai mai amato qualcuno come ti amo,
non ho mai sentito il bisogno di qualcuno come faccio con voi.
Sono così felice che stai nella mia vita.

pop pop pop

I watched the grammys last night. I don't know, it always tend to look kind of tacky. And too bad Robyn didn't get a grammy. It's all political though. And M.I.A looked like she was going to pop. I was happy to see that Lil' Wayne got some grammys cause' his latest album Tha Carter lll was fuckin' brilliant.

Reeve and Zane (Carney) had a show at Troubadour in LA the other night, a sold out show. I heard it was amazing. Man, I wish I could've been there. Next time, next time. Speaking of music, I wish I had some new music, like something from the latest Fools Banquet retreat.


Facebook is becoming Myspace.

11 days, love.